YOUNG MOTHERHOOD

Are you an ageist mama? Have you ever found yourself sitting there, pondering that, ‘that girl is far too young to have a baby’? Or, on the other hand, are you a victim of an ageist mum or person? Have you ever been sitting in a café while your child screams and refuses to eat making you already feel like a failure to realise there is already a mum 5 years older sitting in the corner judging you as her child the same age sits nicely?

Now, do not sit there and act all perfect as you read this because we know we have all silently judged another mum at least once in our heads. However, most of us are quickly brought back to reality when our child reminds us how they can go from cute to feral real quick, then we get some guilt’s for putting our judgey pants on – well this is the normal scenario for most of us. It has been made aware to me that not all mothers function this way though.

Being a young mama of two has been an eye opener. I have been told a few things by various different people and it always seems to come back to my age. Why is it that some (to be clear there are plenty of older mums/people who aren’t judgey but there are plenty who are) older mothers think they are better than a women who became a mum at 21 because they became a mother at 29?

I sit in the ‘young mum category’ and I am proud to say I am a young mum and a dam good one at that. I do feel as though I have to constantly prove to those older, that I do know what I am doing, regardless of age. There is such a preconception on young mothers, by everyone – not just older mums. Example of this being that when Harlee-Jae was only 2 weeks old and she ended up in hospital, we were asked some pretty interesting questions from the doctor-

  • Do you have a cellphone?
  • Does your cellphone have credit?
  • Will you ring an ambulance if something is wrong?
  • Do you have a car to drive to the hospital in an emergency?
  • What sort of housing situation are you in?
  • Do you have heating in your house?

Well slap me sideways and call me sally. I knew I looked like crap because I had a newborn who was sick and bugger all sleep but never did I think I looked homeless, haha! Now sure this might be some sort of protocol but really. Did I really look like someone who would not ring an ambulance if I needed one? I still think I got asked these questions purely because of my age, I bet they didn’t ask the 35 year old mum down the corridor the same questions!

This is what I really felt like saying to the doctor but I was far too tired to care at that point. ”I do own a cellphone which always has credit, shock horror huh. Another crazy fact, we own a bloody car! It even has petrol in it and I even have a full license to drive safely to the hospital, if need be. And I know, you’re probably thinking ‘bet they live at home with their parents or in a run down crappy flat.’ We actually own our own home! All by ourselves! It even has a fireplace to keep us warm just too really throw you off.” Could you have imagined the look on his face if that is what I really did say, ha!

The most common phrases people love to throw at you when they find out you are pregnant usually include-

  • Oh you are so young, why have children now when you have your whole life ahead of you? Yes, I am young but having children young only means I get to enjoy my whole life with my children in it. When you are 35 with a new born, changing nappies and still having sleepless nights, I will be sleeping peacefully in my own bed while my grown ass children make their own food and wipe their own asses, ha!
  • You are just a child yourself! Thanks, for the input but 21 is not a child, I am a grown, independent woman who can look after herself and children.
  • Shouldn’t you wait until your friends are having kids? I have never been one to do something because someone else is; everyone leads their own journey and will do things when they are ready!
  • You should have travelled the world first! Has it ever occurred to people that travelling the world is not everyone’s cup of tea or that maybe I would prefer to travel when I am older?
  • You have not had time to enjoy your twenties! Oh sorry nancy drew, I wasn’t aware you were so invested in my life to know what I have and haven’t enjoyed! I have had my fair share of drunken weekends and concerts now I plan to invest my youth into my children.
  • Your parents are far too young to be grandparents! Gosh, I never knew there was an age restriction on when you can and cannot become a grandparent! These people would be shocked to know my youthful parents in there 40’s love having grandchildren and have the energy to enjoy them.
  • Having a baby is really expensive, can you afford that at your age? Babies are always going to be expensive. No matter what age you are, you will make it work and give your baby what is best in your ability.

Then there are just the downright offensive comments-

  • Was it an accident? Really, why is this such a big deal and why cannot we use the term surprised? Like yeah I was not planning on this right now but I would not call any of my children accidents. They were a surprise and I would not have it any other way!
  • It is just not right. You are far too young! Well regardless of my age, am I doing a good job? Yes, you say. So why not back off about the age side of things!
  • At least you got it out of the way early… Yeah really out of the way. The kid is our kid, and will be our kid forever so I am not quite sure how it’s ‘out of the way’, Ha!
  • Did you consider abortion? Do I really need to explain why this question is not okay? RESPECT people. It really is not hard!
  • Wedding must be happening before the baby is born then. Why does a ring determine if we will be good parents? To be honest, a child is a lot more testing and way more of a life commitment than a wedding soooo short answer, no.
  • You might regret having kids so young. The. Heck. What sort of assumption is this? I am pretty confident when I say that every mother who has had a child young would never regret them. But hey, what do I know? Because I am just a ‘young’ mum right. 😛

Why is it okay for people to be so offensive to mothers regarding age? Tell us how we are doing but do not regard it to our age. We do not need to be reminded every single day that we are young. We know our age and if a child is being brought up in a safe, happy and healthy way then who is anyone to judge?

So next time, you want to judge a mum purely because of her age, stop and think is it really worth it? Because in all honesty, I am as much like you as you are like me. We all have bad mum days and we all have amazing mum days. We all feel mum guilts. We all feel like we could be doing a better job and we all feel some crazy love for our little humans but it is time for mum’s to stand together and have each other’s back regardless of age, race, working mum, stay at home, mum of one or mum of ten. We are all doing what’s best for our families and busting our butts to make the best of this crazy adventure we call life.

So, in case no one has told you today. YOU are a good mum, YOU are doing an amazing job and YOUR little humans are so lucky to have you! ❤

Lace xxx

SELF LOVE

Self love after babies – sounds easy right? Who would have thought this would be a struggle for most of us. As women, there is a lot of pressure on our body image before babies and I feel like it only gets worse after babies. It may sound like something so minor to some but for me it has been a struggle learning to love my new body.

I never even had any thoughts about this while I was pregnant. You sort of live in this predicament where you expect everything to be the same as before babies. Everywhere we look online seems to be gorgeous girls who manage to bounce straight back after babies with no effort what so ever and I think maybe I was slightly ignorant and thought I would be the same too.

Your newly acquired mum bod is not something people warn you about like they do with everything relating pregnancy, labour and parenting. No one told me that I would get stretch marks in more places than my tummy. The shock I got when I found stretch marks on the backs of my legs behind my knees was scary – how could this be? I thought I had barely put weight on in my legs. No one tells you that its not just your tummy that gets bigger – your whole body can put on weight too.

So like most, I thought I was fat before babies, truth is I was not and I would do anything to have that body again! Then I remember that body had not made two gorgeous babies in under two years! Here is a couple of photos of then –

Even looking at those photo’s as I am writing this makes me really wish I could just bounce back to that. The next photo is a photo of me around 34 weeks pregnant with Kellan, my second pregnancy in under two years. Not only is it hard for my body to do that, my body never got a chance to get back to my ‘normal’ size after Harlee-Jae because I was pregnant again when she wasn’t even 3 months old.

34 weeks and 3 days - 14th August 2017 (3)

I felt massive and ugly in these photos, I couldn’t look past my big thighs, my flabby arms and my double/triple/quadruple (haha) chins. It really took a lot for me to look past all my flaws and realise the real beauty lays within the fact that my body was doing something amazing for the second time and that is pure beauty in its self.

The next photo is my body now. I took this photo around six after my second child and I will be honest, its not the easiest photo for me to post. It is no where near perfect. I have stretch marks on my tummy, on my hips, on my bum, on my boobs and even on my legs. I have cellulite everywhere your body can have cellulite. My hips are huge in my eyes. My arms are double the size they used to be and I have a little mum pouch that I will probably never lose. However, I have decided it is important for me to have some self-love. I do not want to feel sad anymore about my body imagine. I do not want to feel pressure that I should bounce back ASAP! However, how do you love yourself when it is not classed as the norm to love your post baby, mum bod? We all support each other as mums, that is how.

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You see that mum on your Instagram feed or Facebook posting about how she is working so hard to lose the post baby weight – let her know she’s doing good! Lift each other up because the truth is, most of us are all in the same boat wishing we had that old body we never appreciated.

Have realistic body goals. It took you a long nine months to put the weight on. It is only fair you give yourself nine months to lose it! It is not realistic at all to bounce back two months after baby! It is bloody great if you do, I am totally jealous if that is you but remember this isn’t the case for most of us!

My weight and size has always been something that I focus on probably too much. However, I am in no way #fitspo and I feel like I have to have some sort of fitspiration to make some positive changes on my new mum bod!

If there are two things I hate it is – Exercise and diets. Exercise, well maybe I can have a bit of love for it but only to a certain extent, hah! Diets on the other hand are not for me at all! If you do not know me, you will not know that I am one of the fussiest people you will ever meet hence why I hate diets – I am just too fussy, haha! Despite all this I am making some small lifestyle changes just to try help me get to a me I can love and be happy with.

For me, I know I will never stick to a strict fitness regime and diet forever, so I feel as though if I do it and put the hard yards in, it will all be a waste of time because I will just end up back where I started. Little changes that make a big impact are more of my goal!

My weakness is sugar! I love it, I crave it and I could eat it nonstop but I know this is not good for me so I have cut all types of drinks out of my diet bar water! I have also decided to make chocolate and sweet treats exactly that – a treat. I’m such a ‘Yo Lace, you only live once, go buy yo-self that chocolate and Lewis road creamery chocolate milk and demolish it! You deserve it, treat yo-self!’ buuuuuuuuut this had to change. I am also being more weary of my portion sizes. I am so bad at not eating all day then dinner comes and I eat enough for an army because I am starving! Again bad habit so back to regularly eating smaller sizes for me! Other than that, that is all I am changing in my diet.

Exercise – I do not exercise. I am in no way one of those hot gym girls that look good after an hour of exercise. I do zero exercise and I knew I needed to do something. I have started going for a 4km walk daily. It is still hard and I look like a beetroot, a very sweaty beetroot afterwards but at least I am doing it. We have also started doing little workouts at night, which will grow longer and more intense in time. And I am sure all you mama’s will agree with me that mum life in itself is exercise too! Most days I clock over 14,000 steps a day because I have a new born and one year old to run around after haha.

To all the #fitspo people out there, that probably sounds like nothing but for me it’s a lifestyle change. I am not doing this to become ripped, I am doing this to become a better, healthier version of myself. I do not have any expectations to lose a ton of weight quickly but I believe over time I will slowly lose enough to a point where I am happy again. I do not want abs and muscles, I just want to look in the mirror and feel happy again, I want to fit my clothes like I used too and I just want to feel healthier – which I already do!

It’s time for a change. It’s time for society to be more accepting of girls that don’t bounce back, of girls with stretch marks, of girls with a few lumps and bumps on their body. I do not want my daughter growing up in a world feeling like she has to ‘be’ a certain size, look a certain way or be a certain type of person. I want her to be confident in her own skin and be the person she really is.

The best way for this to happen is for me to be happy in my own skin and the person I am today. Sure I’m not the same size as I was 2 years ago, but that doesn’t mean I never will be again. Wise words from my midwife were – ‘It has taken you 9months to grow a baby and take these body changes so it’s going to take 9months for you to be back where you were before’. This is something I really need to remember, to remember that there is no quick fix and in the meantime I am going to love myself just the way I am. I am going to make some lifestyle changes to help the process but only because I want to better myself and be a healthy, happy me.

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Don’t let these insecurities rule your life mama’s. Your body has done great things. Don’t be so hard on yourself, learn to embrace your new body and instead of aiming to be your old body size, find a new body goal that fits with your post baby body! If I can learn to love myself, even with a bit of a way to go – you can too! Catch you next time mates or catch up with us on snapchat (lace1313) to see what we do on the daily!

Lace xxx

LABOUR UNCUT TAKE TWO – KELLAN TREVOR POHE PATTERSON’S BIRTH STORY

 

The day I was absolutely dreading because it was my second time round and I knew exactly what I was in for, the day we spend 40 weeks waiting for – Labour. Again, it will be honest and it will be raw so only read if you enjoy the good the bad and the truth behind labour, well my labour.

It was early hours of Saturday the 2nd of September. I had taken my massive pregnant self out to the lounge to sleep on the couch for a few reasons. I was super uncomfortable and the couch seemed like a better option, I had crazy insomnia and Ben’s snoring was next level because he had a cold.

I woke up around 4am and went to the bathroom for what felt like 100th time that night. However, this time I noticed I was starting to lose my mucous plug. I went into full panic mode. Last time with Harlee-Jae, I started losing my mucous plug and she arrived five or so hours later. So obviously, I thought that’s going to happen again! I went in and woke Ben up, stressing that I was not ready for this baby! I still had so much to do. I was meant to have three more weeks! Ben managed to calm me down and assured me I was not having a baby right then and there and we would sort it and he was right. No baby came and I could relax again.

All day on the Saturday, I was so uncomfortable. I quickly regretted wishing he would not come and thought how am I going to do this for three more weeks. I had no signs of contractions all day and had stopped losing my mucous plug; I thought it must have all been in my head.

I had not started anything to naturally bring on labour as I did with Harlee except drinking red raspberry leaf tea on the 1st of September. However if you do want some tips on what I have tried, head over to Harlee-Jae’s Birth Story to hear what I did try with her!

Sunday the 3rd of September had arrived – Father’s day! I had woken up and had diarrhoea and some slight cramping – very similar to the morning that Harlee came. I said to Ben, I think I may have a baby tonight. He thought I was all shit because of my meltdown in the middle of the night hah. I rang my mum who was heading to Palmerston North for the day, which is two hours away from where we live. I was in two minds about this, I wanted her to go because what if I didn’t have a baby but then what if I did go into labour!? I need my mum if I am having a baby today! However, I told her to go because I did not think he would come until early hours of the next morning.

It was Ben’s first father’s day so it was a chilled morning for us to just enjoy it as a family. Around 11am Ben and I kind of got the same thought and said we should get organised just in case this baby does come? So, that’s exactly what we did. They say we women nest but seriously, I believe Ben was nesting hah! My typical male partner, who isn’t into the cleaning scene whatsoever, was into it! He did the lawns, he cleaned out the laundry, he washed the inside and outside of the car and got little man’s capsule and base sorted into the car. While he smashed that, I smashed the inside of the house – Kitchen, bathroom, sheet changing, vacuuming, bag packing etc. We were on a serious roll!

I then rang my dad who would be on Harlee duty IF I were to go into labour. So, off I shot around to his house to drop off the porta cot, just in case. Dad had visitors who looked at me thinking naaaaaaa, she’s not having a baby today. It was about 2.30pm when I said to Ben, I think my contractions are every hour now. Funny how it was my second time around and I still was questioning if I was going into labour and if I was really having contractions!

My mum then text at 3pm saying we are leaving now. She rang and said to me, I just have a feeling that we need to come back now and that is when I said to her ‘Thank fucking god because this baby is definitely coming’. Ben and I got all bags packed and the boot loaded up. All of Harlee’s bags and other things were packed and her car seat was moved into my Grandad’s car and she was ready to go with him to my dad’s once I was ready to go.

4pm hit and I text mum telling her she needs to hurry up. I think I was in denial and my contractions were actually happening every 20 minutes at this point and things were progressing very quickly. I rang my midwife and because we had to travel an hour north to Base Hospital because of my history of haemorrhaging, she said I needed to let her know when contractions were 10 minutes apart.

This next hour waiting for my mum, was the longest hour of my life. I could feel my contractions getting closer and the clock was not going any faster. Finally, they arrived just after 5pm. We packed Harlee up and sent her off to my dad’s and little did she know next time she would see us, she would have a little brother too! I do think she knew something was up though; she was not having a bar of Ben and I and couldn’t have been happier to get out of the house.

Once she was gone, I finally sat down to time my contractions properly so I knew where I was at. I had figured they were around 8-10 minutes apart so on the phone I got again to my midwife and we were off to Hawera Maternity to meet her in half an hour.

6pm hit and it was kind of like dejavu! We arrived at Hawera Maternity. It was nearly a whole year ago that I was walking into this place with no idea what was ahead of me. Only this time, I knew full well the pain that was coming for me! Just like with Harlee, I walked in as normal as could be so the other midwife on said to my midwife – she is not in labour!

I was popped on the monitor for a while just to make sure baby was still happy in there. Then it was that fun time for an internal! And just like that, I was five and a half centimetres dilated – woohoo! My midwife went and sorted out the ambulance and brought me a MASSIVE pad to sit on. When I say massive, I’m talking like a bloody surfboard! But she had told me my waters were right there and ready to pop so the pad aka surfboard was just to help absorb it if my waters were to break on the ambulance ride! I got out of my clothes and into a hospital gown because I really could not have given a shit what I was wearing when I was about to have a baby.

Because of my postpartum haemorrhage with Harlee, I also had to have a IV line in, just in case. However, my veins are extremely hard to see, you would have more luck finding water in the Sahara desert! My midwife got a nurse from A&E to come down and tackle my veins to try to make it a reasonably fast process… She could have not been more bloody wrong! When the nurse first arrived, I heard her say ‘oh I will give it a go’. First off, her confidence was not there so she should have turned around and got someone else! I was already in labour with contractions hitting hard and fast and I really wanted to get on our way because I did not want to have a baby in the ambulance! So the sooner we got to New Plymouth the better!

The nurse came in and probably spent the next 10 minutes examining my veins, saying the same old thing over and over. She then thought she would give it a go in my right arm. She sat down, stole my pillow, got a chair and sat down. I was about ready to offer her a cup of bloody tea hah! She then prepped my arm and took her time flicking my vein and all sorts of other things. After wasting another 20 minutes, decided this arm was not going to work for her so moved over to my left arm and repeated everything all over again. Except this time, the midwives had come in and she had an audience! Obviously this did not help her confidence and she went straight through my bloody vein – that made for a beauty of bruise the next day! I could see her confidence was at an all time low and my patience was wearing very thin. Back to my right arm she went, taking her jolly good time all over again and refusing to put the big needle in, in case she stuffed it up again. Finally, after using the little needle rather than the big and wasting soooooo much time she got it in!

Finally it was time to get into the ambulance! On the bed I got, and all set up and ready to go. I quickly remembered how small an ambulance was and was determined to not have a baby in there! My midwife and Ben jumped in the ambulance with me and my mum and her partner followed very close behind.

Following Lacey up to Base in the Ambulance Sunday 3rd of September 2017 before Kellan was born

Ben and my midwife talked and talked the whole way up. It was great for me because the constant conversation was a good distraction. It was pitch black outside and I could not see a thing – thank god! I had no idea where I was so the whole time I kept my legs tightly crossed and got through my contractions hoping for no baby just yet.

I said to my midwife, I am starting to feel some serious pressure down there. She later told me we were only about 10 minutes away from the hospital but she didn’t want to tell me that then in case I wanted to push.

We got to the hospital finally around 8.30pm. My mum and her partner were already in the birthing suite waiting for me to come in. I went in and they could not believe how calm I was – that was the one thing I really wanted to do this time, I knew it would be a lot easier for me if I kept calm and did not stress. My midwife told them that I was so calm coming up throughout my contractions that you would not have even known I was in labour.

I went to the loo, we all just took our time to get settled in and then I knew it was nearly time. I asked for gas and I was determined to get it this time! I couldn’t figure out how to breath and suck on the gas when I had Harlee but this time it was bloody good! My contractions were super close and I was feeling ready to push!

I kept cool, calm, collected, and kept on chatting away to everyone. My midwife then said, your waters are going to break any minute now and probably hit that wall over there and then I will be catching a baby about here! Sure enough a few minutes after the tsunami otherwise known as my waters, it burst and after a super quick three minutes of pushing, out flew Master Kellan Trevor Pohe Patterson and 9.05pm on the 3rd of September 2017.

Straight away, I was hooked up to a machine for four hours of drugs to keep my bleeding at bay. There was no hesitation to whether I was haemorrhaging or not, they just got me all connected to be safe. I did not haemorrhage because they were super organised but I still did bleed more than your average person – so it was for the best that we made the mad dash up to Taranaki Base Hospital.

Just like that, our hearts had grown that little bit bigger. Our new addition was here 3 weeks earlier than we thought he would be but we would not have had it any other way! We all had cuddles and photos taken and before we knew it, it was nearly midnight. My mum and her partner headed back to Hawera and Ben was allowed to stay with me. I was running off adrenaline and could not sleep. After that long four hours of having drugs through the IV line, I was finally all good to be taken off and allowed to have a shower – If you have had a baby, you will agree that first shower is amazing and makes you feel so good! If you have not had a baby, trust me you will love the first shower, even if it feels like your vag is hanging down to your knees, hah!

As crazy as it sounds, the second time around was definitely easier than the first for me. It was absolutely petrifying knowing what pain I was in for but it also helped me know what to expect so it was easier to keep calm – this was my one goal this time and I think I did it! My midwife joked that I would be no good for students to come and watch my labour to put them off getting pregnant as teenagers, because I make it look far too easy, hah!

I hope you enjoyed my birth story, take two and remember you can also check out my first birth story here. Hopefully this hasn’t scared the daylights out of you if you’re expecting but I hope it has given you a little bit of an idea of how labour can play out – even though yours could be completely different! Check back in a fortnight to see the latest blog post, in the meantime come and follow us on Instagram and Facebook to keep up with us in-between blog posts!

Lace xxx

THIRD TRIMESTER UPDATE- WEEK 35!

 

Just like that, we are at week 35! Five bloody weeks to go. In just over a month, we will have not one, but two tiny humans to care for! Super exciting but yet super scary! I have an app on my phone, which happily reminded me I have 33 days to go. When it is said like that, it really does not feel like that long! So, since I am nearing the end, I thought I better give an update on pregnancy and life in general!

I find it so crazy how fast; this pregnancy is going/has gone. I think I almost feel bad for this little babe because I cared so much with Harlee and was super organised but I guess it is not that I don’t care about this pregnancy it’s just that I have got a nearly one year old keeping me on my toes constantly. With your first, you kind of spend your days in the last weeks waiting and waiting, this is definitely not the case this time. I still have plenty to do! Here’s just a few things on my list off the top of my head-

  • Little mates nursery is still not finished! I do have most of the necessities but the room itself is nowhere near done but hey, as long as he’s got clothes and a bed we will be right – hah. I do plan to get most of his room sorted over the next couple of weeks so fingers crossed I stick to it and once it’s done I’ll do a little blog post on it! Well hopefully!
  • I haven’t even thought about my hospital bag yet! In my head I’m definitely going to make the 40 week mark so I haven’t been stressing about this too much. However, we all know things don’t necessarily work out the way we think, especially when it comes to babies – hah. So, I’ll get onto packing that bag in the next couple of weeks too, just in case! Again, I do plan to do a blog post on this too, to try take away the hassles and the ‘have I got everything’ questions when packing your hospital bag!
  • NAME! We still have no idea whatsoever what this little guy is going to be called! We get ideas of what we think we like then a few days later one of us goes off the idea. I always knew I liked Harlee for a girl so always had my heart set on it. Her name was so easy, I expected it to be just as easy this time but I could not be more wrong!
  • House renovations. For those of you, who know us; know we have been renovating our house! We have ripped out two walls, put in a completely new kitchen, put in new bi-folding doors in our lounge, repainted all the bedrooms and had a supporting beam put in where one of the walls was taken out. We have accomplished a lot but we still have a lot to do! We still need to build a ‘fake’ wall around our pantry just to give it a nicer look, gib over the new beam and a tiny bit of the wall, rip the rest of the wallpaper off, and repaint ceilings and wallpaper. In the perfect world, this would all be finished before the baby arrives however, this may not be the case! We will try get as much done as we can but between Ben being a shift worker and my dad being a shift worker (who has been helping us) and just life in general, we are running out of time!
  • Harlee-Jae’s first birthday is just around the corner! In fact only 10 days before her brothers due date! So, on top of all of the above, I’m also planning a first birthday! We are keeping it pretty chilled for her first birthday. It’s more of just a gathering of family and a few close friends but even this requires preparation! I think I’m doing pretty well so far though, most things are organised for the party side of things and I have most of her birthday presents sorted! Lets just hope baby brain hasn’t let me forget anything major!

That is just a little run down of a few of the big things that are left to do. On top of that there is still all the little things like birthdays – august is an extremely big month for us with birthdays! Getting the house sorted and ready for baby life again and just life in general! It feels like one day I had six months to go, now I have practically one month to go!

If you read my labour uncut blog post, you will probably remember me talking about haemorrhaging with Harlee. If not I will just give you a little bit of a run down. My mum is a known bleeder and my midwife was also her midwife so she was pretty on to it with my labour and wasn’t willing to take any chances! I had an IV line put in my arm about an hour before Harlee was born and lucky I did because as my midwife thought, I did haemorrhage. From what my midwife tells me, it was pretty bad, although I never realised this because she remained so calm and got it under control pretty quickly. I did know something wasn’t right when every doctor at our little hospital came running in but didn’t think too much of it!

However, I recovered well and everything was good! Until I got pregnant again and I found out it is likely for this to happen again and generally the second time is worse than the first. As you can imagine this has made me pretty dam nervous for labour. Labour is nerve wrecking enough on its own, minus complications! My mum bleed extremely bad with her third – my brother and this makes me pretty nervous. I have a tendency to follow my mums footsteps, problems and all. I have to give birth at Taranaki Base Hospital this time just in case they cannot stop the bleeding. So, if worse does come to worse I can be taken into theatre to stop the bleeding. Our little hospital in Hawera does not have these sort of facilities but I am hoping everything will go smoothly enough for me to come back to Hawera Maternity because I do not really fancy being an hour away from home!

I even contemplated asking to have a caesarean but my midwife was quick to tell me I can still bleed in a caesarean, and quite badly too! The worse thing about it with a caesarean is if they can’t get the bleeding under control then they will give you a hysterectomy and that’s not really a decision I want made for me! So the plan is to go in with no plan – Hah. If I have him naturally, cool. If I have a caesarean, that’s cool too. All I want is the best option for a healthy baby and a healthy me! I’ve decided to stick to that plan because I’ll be honest, its freaking me out a lot! I could be freaking out over nothing because I may not hemorrage but then again it is likely I will. I just have to keep positive!

My pregnancy symptoms this trimester, have consisted of low iron = meaning no energy, excruciating back pain, nausea and indigestion! My iron levels are extremely low! So low that my midwife was contemplating me getting an iron transfusion, mostly because low iron levels mean more likely to haemorrhage and more likely to haemorrhage worse. So as you can imagine getting on top of this is very important! Iron tablets are not my friend though. They make me extremely constipated which make me get the worse sore tummies which don’t make pregnant life any better. I have found an alternative called Spatone, which is great! The only downfall is that it is about $38 for 28 sachets which works out a hell of a lot more expensive than iron tablets that are subsidised!

That awesome excruciating back pain I talked about in my second trimester blog post has been back in full force! Ben has even had to take days off work to stay home and help me out because I was not able to lift Harlee! I don’t even know how to explain the pain but it is my lower back and it sends shooting pain down my legs and through my whole body. It really is not much fun at all! The only things that I find that help are my back belt and a hot water bottle. Even these two things aren’t great but they are better than nothing.

My indigestion has come back with vengeance in this pregnancy also! I think it may be a little bit of acid reflux as well, it’s not great but luckily my old mate gaviscon is up in the cupboard ready to come to my rescue everyday – Hah! The old wives tale is that indigestion means a baby with lots of hair which was very true for miss Harlee so hopefully that’s what it means for this one too!

The one thing I didn’t experience with Harlee’s pregnancy that I have in this one is getting morning sickness again in the third trimester! It hasn’t been extreme morning sickness like some people get but, it has been enough to put me out make me feel pretty blah! The only thing I have found to help is to take it easy! Put all the house chores to the side and save all my energy for Harlee and rest when I get the chance. Oh and a bit of ginger beer always seems to settle my tummy too!

And like every pregnant women in the last few weeks, sleep becomes a distant memory! I am a tummy sleeper so getting comfortable is extremely hard! I also feel the need to pee 10,000 times a night and seem to have really bad insomnia. So any sleep is good sleep at this point – hah! I also feel massive this pregnancy! I constantly find myself feeling uncomfortable and in some sort of pain – especially at bedtime! I don’t remember being this uncomfortable with Harlee until I hit the last couple of weeks. So, five weeks is actually still sounding like a long time to feel this way! Even the most simplest tasks, like getting off the couch are so bloody hard – hah.

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Photo on the left is 36 weeks with Harlee-Jae. Photo on the right is 34 weeks with little man.

So despite all the unenjoyable things, the end is near! I complain a lot and say how much I dislike pregnancy but one day I will probably miss it! I hope that was a good little update for you all and I hope to do another one closer to my due date! If you have any questions about anything, do not hesitate to ask me! I am an open book! Catch you all next week or head over to Instagram and give us a follow and keep up to date with our days on Insta Stories!

Lace xxx

EXPECTATIONS VS REALITY

YAY! We are now classed as mums – who would have known this comes with a whole lot of unrealistic standards. Not only from friends, family and other mums but also from our biggest critics, ourselves. It is amazing being a mum, I know all my fellow mama’s will agree but man, it has its challenges.

I did not realise how much of a controversial topic motherhood is until I became a mother. Many things come into this when you become a mum, even more so when you are a new mum. Some of them being-

  • Breastfeeding or bottle-feeding (Read my breastfeeding journey here.)
  • Co-sleeping or not co-sleeping
  • Cry it out method or cuddling method
  • Routines or no routines (Read about routines here.)
  • Solids early or solids at recommended age
  • Swaddle or not to swaddle

That is just a list of a few things, we all know there is plenty more though! The main thing to remember is – it is your baby, you know best. Don’t let people come in and give their 10 cents of what you should or shouldn’t be doing. Yes, its okay to give advice but no it is not okay to make someone feel like they should be mothering there baby a certain way! Society is a bitch, don’t fall for the tricks. You just do you.

So your biggest critic – yourself, will often have you questioning yourself. I think that a lot of this comes with the hormones and lack of sleep when you first become a mother but man, the things I would question if I was doing right when I first became a mum was unreal. Especially as a first time mum, because of the pressure from society, friends, family and social media. Do not beat yourself up, just take every day as it comes and live in the moment. Enjoy it all and take it all in while you can because before you know it, your newborn baby will be a toddler and you will enter a whole new ball game – one I am only just about to enter and learn about!

A big difference to parenting now to parenting 10 years ago is social media. We all love to keep up to date with our fav mum bloggers through snapchat and Instagram. While we also love joining all the helpful mum groups on facebook to ask all the questions we have. All of these definitely have some awesome benefits, being-

  • Support

The amount of support I see given on mum pages on Facebook is awesome! It is nice to know there is a place to go and ask your questions and get some advice for what you are going through.

  • Internet friends

I don’t know about you guys but, for me, I almost feel like mum bloggers allow us into their daily lives enough to feel as though we get to know them well enough to call them our ‘friends’. I know it is not a normal type of friendship but when you are busy with #mumlife, it may be your only escape. A day with just babies and no adult conversation can drive you a bit crazy until you find yourself on snapchat or Instagram, feeling like you are in a conversation with your fav mum bloggers!

  • Relatable

Some days you just need to feel like you can relate to someone and you find that in your Instagram followers from a post they have shared!

Now there is the ups but there is also the downs. Yes, like I said above it can be so relatable sometimes but at the same time, it can be very non-relatable. Some days, you will find yourself scrolling through your feed looking at everyone’s, what seem to be perfect lives in little squares. It can really get you down feeling so far away of what you have built in your head as the ‘perfect’ life.

I know if you are a fellow Instagram mama, you will be sitting saying to yourself ‘OMG I have definitely felt this feeling’. It may have only been once but we have all been there. It is hard to remember that everyone has bad days and not all of us chose to share our bad days. So, what we may think is such a perfect life, it may most definitely not be. However, I know that is easier said than done.

You can sit there scrolling and looking at all these perfect pictures of smiling happy babies when your truth is only that your baby has screamed all day long. You may see mums looking fabulous only a short few weeks after birth in amazing clothes while you haven’t managed to get out of trackies and hoodies for the last week. You may watch snapchats and Instagram stories of fortunate mums whose baby is sleeping 12 hour nights while your nearly one year old is still waking 5 times. You may watch as they prepare amazing dinners after spring cleaning their house while you can barely find the energy to whip something half decent up in your messy house.

It is super easy to fall into this trap of feeling not good enough, but please do not! I know that is easy enough said because the truth is, I find myself in this trap more than often! I am forever comparing myself to these awesome mama’s and forgetting about my own life. How do we try to stop this I hear you ask? We need to remember that what they are sharing is what they are choosing to share. They have bad days too; things are not always perfect, as it may seem in the little perfect Instagram squares. There is probably someone out there looking at your profile and feeling bad too – your life is likely to be better than someone is out there, we just do not realise it. Most of all though, take a step back and remember you are doing great! This mum gig is bloody hard but it is bloody rewarding too – It is one of the hardest things I have ever done, some days I find myself questioning my sanity. But, then that little girl with her big brown eyes looks up at me and gives me a massive smile and I remember why it is all worth it.

Try let social media be a benefit in your life. Don’t let it be a negative. Don’t let it give yourself unrealistic expectations of yourself. Just keep doing you and remember that it all comes down to perception! If your baby is dressed, fed, healthy and loved – you are doing something right and giving your child all they could possibly need!

Basically, what this blog post is about is learning the magic of not giving a fu*k! Do not fall into the dark traps of self-doubt and comparison with others. Everyone does this mum gig differently – you just have to find what the best is for you! Focus on the positives in life and what you are doing right! Block out the unwanted advice from friends and family. Give yourself a break and believe in yourself. Find yourself some real and raw mum bloggers to follow on social media and I guarantee they will help you remember that life is not all daisy’s and rainbows on those crappy days. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel mates! I hope this has given you all a little bit of perspective on all things unrealistic about motherhood. Come over and follow us on Instagram stories to see what we get up too during the week! Hope you are all back for next Sunday’s post!

Lace xxx