#DADLIFE

*PLEASE REMEMBER THIS BLOG POST WAS WRITTEN FOR FATHER’S DAY BUT WAS NEVER POSTED DUE TO OUR LITTLE DUDE MAKING HIS EARLY ARRIVAL! EVERYTHING IS WORDED FOR FATHERS DAY!*

Father’s Day. A day for people to show their appreciation for fathers and father figures – like stepfathers and grandfathers. So, what better day to talk about the men in our lives who can play many roles from our rock to the best daddy in the world. I want to talk about all things dad from your relationship to daddy bonding!

I will start at the beginning – Ben and I had been together for only a few months when I found out I was pregnant. Obviously, it was not planned but we both knew we wanted kids one day and that day had just hit us a lot sooner than expected! We were still living a long distance relationship at the time and we were in the process of getting Ben’s transfer and buying our first home! He was around 4 hours away so we really appreciated the time we did get together – maybe a little too much and that’s how we ended up having a baby so soon! 😛

Although we had not been together for long, it felt like we had. It was almost weird to imagine life before Ben. We loved each other and were excited about our future. However, throwing a kid in the mix definitely does not make things easy!

So what most people do over five years, we did over five months – hah! We meet, fell in love, brought a house, moved in together for the first time and got pregnant. Then just days after the day we first meet a year before, Harlee-Jae was born. On our first year anniversary, we had already had a baby! And by our second year anniversary, we will have another! This is what I would have called crazy once upon a time, now it is my life.

The truth is though; this is extremely hard on your relationship! A baby coming into your life at any time of a relationship but being such a short time made things challenging for us. We were still learning things about each other and now we had a baby in the mix too. You are sleep deprived, your hormones are out of whack and you’re learning how to be a mum. Your relationship tends to take a back seat – not on purpose, just because you have a lot going on.

There were a few other contributing factors for us like unwanted opinions and certain people, taking a toll on our relationship. I will be honest – it was a bloody hard time. Ben and I both do not do well with lack of sleep and we are both headstrong and stubborn. Yes, there were arguments but we figured it out. It may have taken some time but we were still learning things about each other. Truth be told, we still deal with the issues of unwanted opinions and certain people trying to interfere with our relationship but now we know how to handle it a lot better because we have learnt more about each other.

Honestly though, we had our moments were we were both pushed to breaking point that it would have been a hell of a lot easier to just get up and walk away from the relationship but, we didn’t.

If you love, each other like you say you do, you have to persevere. Learn about balance and figure out what is reasonable and what is not. Learn that communication is your new best friend. Learn to remember that you are both tired. Learn to not take your sh*t out on each other. None of this is easy but it is so worth it! Once you get it, you will wonder why you did not figure it out earlier.

Everyone has bad days and everyone argues sometimes but the good days and good times definitely outweigh these. The key to a healthy relationship with kids is figuring out what is best for your relationship. Do not try living a certain way because Sally and Jack down the road are happy and that is what they do. Only you and you partner can figure out what works for you!

Another important factor to a healthy relationship is to make time for eachother! Kids generally take all your attention but your relationship needs attention too. Try having a date night or day once every now and then – even if it is just chilling at home together. Put down your cell phones at night when the kids are in bed and talk! We are definitely guilty of this. We can be sitting on the couch next to each other but be in completely different worlds because we are busy on our phones. Remember your relationship is more important than Facebook! Always be willing to work on your relationship and do not forget to remind each other that you do love one and other!

As hard as those days were in the beginning, I am so happy with where we are today! We do not have the perfect relationship; I do not think anyone does. However, we are happy and love where we are. I am lucky to have someone like Ben, who puts up with everything that comes with me. We work and right now, I would not change a thing.

One of the most awesome things for me has been watching Ben grow as a Dad. Harlee absolutely adores him and watching there bond is so awesome! I understand that building a bond can be hard on new dads. Even mum’s struggle forming a bond so I can imagine it must be difficult for dads. Yes, for some people it comes naturally but some it does not.

Ben was lucky, he fell in love with Harlee from the get go but the bond they share now is not like the bond they first had. Ben had not been around too many kids before Harlee, so it was all a big learning curve and because babies do not exactly communicate with you or have a personality it can be challenging. I guarantee you though, as soon as they start interacting together and your little one has a personality, the bond will be awesome!

Ben is the laid-back one. He’s the one that dances around like a dork, plays with Harlee’s toys – from tiara’s to blocks 😛 and just always makes everything fun. He is going to be the dad dropping all the lame dad jokes in efforts to embarrass Harlee and be that ‘funny’ Dad.

Our lifestyle approach is I am the stay at home mum and he is our provider – the working Dad! We could not do what we do and have what we have if it was not for Ben. I am so grateful to be able to be a stay at home mum – although it is still a tough gig! The joys of this mean that Ben gets to be the cool one. I am the one who says no 10,000 times a day and then when Ben gets home he gets to be cool Dad and I am totally okay with that! Because although it is hard being a stay at home mum at times, it is also bloody rewarding but Ben misses out on some of this rewarding stuff being at work so to me, letting him be the cool one is the least I can do! This is what works for us, so remember it may not work for you.

Too often we are extremely hard on our partners. We are quick to expect them to be like us and have the common knowledge to do what we expect. You need to remember that some mums lack there maternal instinct and dad’s don’t generally have it either. Something that seems obvious to us, may seem like nothing to them. It’s important to learn what a realistic expectation is because your partner isn’t the guy off daddy daycare – so don’t expect that of him. There is always more you can learn about your partner, especially once you’re a parent.

So dads, here’s to you! Whether you are a real dad, a step dad, a father in law or even a grandad! You are all so important and you are all so loved and deserve to put your feet up and have a beer.

To Ben, thank you for all you do for me and our growing family. For the patience you have, when mine is wearing thin, for the love you show to Harlee-Jae, for working hard for us everyday and most importantly for loving us unconditionally. I am so happy to call you the father of my children. Harlee-Jae and baby number two are super lucky to have a dad like you! We love you more than words can say!

I hope you have all had an awesome day and have spent father’s day with the special men in your life! Until next time mates!

Lace xxx

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HOSPITAL BAG MUST HAVES

Your due date may be quickly approaching like mine and you may be left asking yourself, what do I really need to pack? I know this was a big question of mine with my first pregnancy. Second time round, I am hoping to be slightly better with my packing so I thought I’d share with you all what my hospital bag must haves are.

I have narrowed down my packing into four different bags with also an extras list that may or may not suit you. Also have given a bit of a mum hack at the end if you want to take an easy way out of packing some of the essentials!

So let’s start with the beginning! Labour bag. Believe it or not, it is smart to have a certain bag packed just for labour! It doesn’t need to be massive, it will just contain a few crucial things.

  • Drink

Have a water bottle handy so you can keep refilling it as you please if need be. I also found I felt like some sort of juice so wish I had something like powerade on hand for the first labour!

  • Phone Charger

You may not need it but it is better to have it! Especially if you are due, a phone upgrade like myself and your battery dies after a few hours. You want to be able to let all your loved ones know when your bundle of joy arrives!

  • Snacks

I did not have time for snacks the first time round but who knows for the second time! It is also handy to have some snacks on hand for partner and whoever else may be present at your birth.

  • Something to labour in

I personally find it easy to just chuck on a hospital gown but I know some people would rather not. That will be what I do again this time but if you prefer your own clothing, pack something loose and comfortable. Even pack some bikini’s if you plan on trying a water birth.

  • Copy of your birth plan

It’s a pretty stressful time and things can be forgotten when you are having your baby. This may or may not bother you. I personally do not have a birth plan; my only plan is to have a healthy baby and me. If you do have more of a structured plan, make sure to have a copy to ensure you can do what you have planned as well as possible.

  • List of who to contact once baby is born

Might sound silly – like, you wouldn’t forget who to contact but believe it or not you probably will! I am so glad I had this planned out before I had Harlee and then Ben and my mum could contact everyone who was necessary without pestering me.

  • Camera

If you are like me, the last thing you want is photos of yourself but trust me it is nice to have photos to look back on, especially of your new little bundle of joy.

This stuff may not even get used during your labour but it is super handy to have. I found that my labour was so quick we never had time for snacks or time to even go on our phones but I know of people who have been in labour for over 24 hours – which is a super long time so all of this would come in handy!

Everyone may not need this next list. The Dad bag. For anyone who lives in a small town can probably relate to this. We have to travel an hour away from home for my labour but will hopefully be back to recover in Hawera Maternity. However, this also means your partner will need a bag that can live in the car if he plans to stay close by! I won’t go into too much detail with this bag, I’ll keep it pretty simple.

  • Clothes

Males are pretty carefree when it comes to clothes, well Ben is anyway – Hah. Just have a couple of comfortable outfits for him. Don’t forget UNDIES and SOCKS!

  • Toothbrush

Because who doesn’t like to brush their teeth and feel nice and refreshed!

  • Phone Charger

We all know how important this is, you want to be able to contact each other when he isn’t able to be at maternity.

Very basic list but a lot of people forget about their partners! Some people may require more but like I say Ben is super easy and does not require a lot at all.

Next is the most important bag! Mum’s Bag. If you are a new mum you will probably be stumped on where to even start and in all honesty, even as a second time mum, I didn’t know where to start! However, here I am now giving you my list!

  • Clothes
    • Comfy, loose fitting pants. I am taking comfy, harem like, type pants. I found these the best after I had Harlee. The warehouse have some great ones for only $20 if you are looking for something comfy yet nice.
    • Loose tops. Loose tops for many reasons, a couple being – one, to hide the new acquired mum tum and two, a top that makes breastfeeding accessible and easy.
    • Maternity bras or/and sports bras. If you are breastfeeding you may also find taking maternity singlets helpful. Number one priority is comfort for me though!
    • PJ’s! We all love pj’s so don’t forget them! Whether you’re a nightie gal or a shorts and singlet gal, make sure its nice and accessible for breastfeeding.
    • Comfy undies! The last thing you want is uncomfortable undies when your vag is all swollen and feeling like its hanging down to your knees – haha! Some people prefer the bigger the better but I found bonds boyleg did the trick for me!
    • Socks and slippers. Always need a couple of pairs of socks on hand!
    • Some kind of Jersey or cardigan. I found Maternity really bloody hot but I will pack a couple of loose knitted tops just in case.
    • Going home outfit. This may or may not interest you. However, I wanted to look half decent in our photos for going home so I have some trusty stretchy ‘jean’ like pants that still fit at 37 weeks that will be my go to, going home pants with a nice top!
  • Toiletries
    • Shampoo and conditioner. Bonus points for travel size!
    • Body wash/soap. Something sensitive is probably a bit better for the downstairs apartment.
    • Facewash
    • Facial wipes
    • Toothbrush and toothpaste
    • Make-up. As much or as little as you prefer as everyone is different. I will most likely stick to the basics – Foundation, eyebrow kit, eyeliner, mascara (waterproof for the baby blues days :P), blush and maybe a lippy for going home. This is my everyday make-up and I find it helps me feel half normal after pushing out a baby!
    • Deodorant
    • Body, face and hand moisturisers come in handy but it is up to you which ones you actually need/use.
    • Lip balm – your lips will most likely be dry as the Sahara desert.
    • Nipple cream – there are plenty to choose from but I found good old Bepenthen worked best for me!
    • Hairbrush, hair ties and bobby pins. You may even be a headband wearer!
    • Breast pads
    • Maternity pads. When I say maternity pads I mean anything that resembles a surfboard for your undies because you will need it!
    • The hospital do have these but I am a bit funny about using these on my face because one, someone may have wiped there fufu with it and I don’t care if its been washed, I still don’t want to put it near my face – hah! Two, the ones at hospital aren’t nice and soft like my ones from home!
  • Medications and supplements you may be on

I will be personally taking some Panadol and Spatone – for my iron levels and some vitamins. I may even look into something to help with my breastfeeding!

  • Pillow

Nothing beats your own pillow and the ones at hospital suck!

  • Phone charger

I did mention this in the above list for labour but it is better to mention it again then forget it! I will also be taking my apple watch charger if any of you guy’s need this too!

  • Snacks

Hospital food sucks in my opinion so make sure to pack yourself a few healthy and unhealthy snacks :P.

That is my rundown for mum’s bag. The next bag is the second most important bag. The Baby bag! All that brand new baby stuff you have brought can finally be packed into a bag all ready for your bundle of joy!

  • Clothes
    • Singlets
    • Merino all in ones
    • Bodysuits
    • Sleep gowns
    • Knitted cardigan
    • A couple of outfits – keep it simple, but just in case you do feel like dressing him/her in something other than bodysuits.
    • Socks and booties
    • Mittens
    • Hats
    • Going home outfit. Obviously this isn’t a necessity but I like to have a going home outfit which will be an awesome keepsake once they are older. Yes you want it to be cute but make sure it is still practical!
  • Muslin wraps and/or swaddles
  • Bibs and burp clothes

You may end up with a reflux baby who likes to spew everywhere like Harlee was!

  • Blanket
  • Dummies and bottles

Obviously not all people will be willing to take bottles but I am a firm believer of fed is best and if breastfeeding doesn’t work for me I will have my bottles and formula ready to go this time around!

  • Nappies and wipes
  • Baby bath stuff

We personally prefer using Ecostore baby products so I will be taking this brand of the following-

  • Baby sleepytime bath
  • Baby shampoo
  • Baby moisturiser
  • Baby Nappy balm
  • Breastfeeding pillow or tri pillow

This helped me so much when I was feeding Harlee so will definitely be doing it again!

  • Capsule and capsule cover

That should pretty much cover everything you need to know for your little bundles bag! Keep in mind babies sizes can vary so much! I had packed nothing but newborn for Harlee and found a lot of it didn’t fit! So just have a few varying sizes to accommodate a big or really small baby!

The next little list I am going to cover is just a few extra things you may like to pack. Definitely not must haves but they are things I will be taking and figure they may be some other mama’s out there who would too!

  • A gift for an older sibling from the new baby

It can be a whole new ball game for an only child who is getting a sibling so a nice way to make them feel special is to give them a gift from there new brother or sister! For Harlee, I have just purchased a book from Kmart called ‘You’re a big sister!’. She is still young so I didn’t want to spend a fortune on something because she won’t even understand! This book was only $4 however! Bargain!

  • Hair straightener and Hair drier

I may not even use these but I like to have them on hand!

  • Milestone cards
  • Cuddly, baby shusher, lulla doll or some sort of comforter

All of these are definitely not needs but I’m all for trying things to help settle babies so we will be trying the baby shusher which worker wonders for Harlee. Ill also take the lulla doll which was Harlee’s but she didn’t like it and a sleepy tot teddy!

So, that is my lists, I am well aware that we are all so different and tend to find different things important so I have tried to keep it as generic as possible! I do quickly want to tell you about how I am going to be a bit of a cheat this time around though. I am not sure if you have heard of this awesome NZ business or not which has recently been started this year – Bundles for Bumps.

Bundles for Bumps specialises in pre-packed hospital bags! Bundles for Bumps was started by a fellow NZ mama, Shelley. She has three girls of her own and wanted to take the stress out of packing hospital bags! They come with all the essentials and offer all natural and organic products which is a total bonus!

She sells things for mum and for baby and even for the rest of the family, I recommend you go and check them out! Let me just point out that this is in no way sponsored, I genuinely love this idea that I have gone and purchased my own pre-packed hospital bag!

I have purchased the Mum essentials – pre packed hospital bag. I am actually really slack and have only just purchased it so haven’t received my bag as of yet but I know I will love it just from reading about it and I will do an update on my Instagram stories once I receive it so make sure you check it out later this week sometime! And never fear if there are things I do not love about it, I will be sure to share that with you too! This bag contains the following-

  • Tom & Luke Snackaballs 70g x2
  • The Moa Body Range Miss Foxy 100ml (Great for massage during labour)
  • Ruby Blue Hair Ties x2 (Can also be worn on the wrist as a reminder which side to breastfeed off next)
  • Wotnot Natural Face Wipes with Travel Case and Mirror 25pk
  • Ecostore Beeswax Lipbalm 4.5g
  • Sorbent Travel Tissues
  • Terry Cotton Slippers
  • Jockey Cotton Full Brief Black x2
  • Jockey Ankle Socks Black
  • Ecostore Essentials Mini Pack (Shampoo 35ml, Conditioner 35ml, Body Wash 35ml Moisturiser 35ml)
  • Bamboo Hairbrush
  • Mama Bear Bamboo Toothbrush
  • Grin Natural Toothpaste 100g (Allergy warning: Contains Propolis)
  • Tankis Natural Deodorant 70g
  • Haakaa Natural Breast Pads 36pk
  • Natracare Maternity Pads 10pk
  • Manuka Health Breast Gel Discs (Store these in the fridge when not using during feed times, and when you reapply they are like magical cold drops of bliss for sore and cracked nipples )
  • Purelan Nipple Cream 7g
  • True Blue Organics Hand Sanitiser 60ml
  • A list of additional items you may like to pack from home

You also may choose to receive your package in a Bundles for Bumps Calico drawstring bag or a Herschel Novel Duffle Bag. They are both different prices depending on which you choose. If you want to know more details head over to Bundles for Bumps here for more info on pricing and all there other awesome products!

So, I have just gone and knocked a few things off my packing list because of my awesome pre packed bag on its way but either way my hospital bag must haves will hopefully be helpful for you! It may be the perfect list for you or maybe just a helpful guide but I hope it has helped you in some way! I hope you all have an awesome week and come back and check the blog out next Sunday!

Lace xxx

BABIES AND FRIENDSHIPS

Keeping friends once, you have had a baby, sounds simple right? It really is not. When they all find out you are pregnant, everyone is your best friend. Everyone is so eager to know the details and remind you how much they will be around once baby is born. It is very easy to say things and never go through with them. I know for some people, they may be lucky enough to actually have their friends stick to their word and actually hang around but I know a lot of the time this does not happen. I remember many people telling me, ‘you will find out who your real friends are when you have a baby’. Unfortunately, it is a very real thing.

For me, I was the first to get pregnant out of my friend group. As soon as I announced my pregnancy, they were all super happy for me and were fast to tell me how they would all make the best aunties. All of a sudden, they all wanted to be my best friend and know everything. As most people, I have a few friends who I class as my best friends and a couple of them offered to throw my baby shower – which was awesome and the baby shower was a hit! I had a massive turnout of people who all had to be there and I was very spoilt! However, do not be fooled by all these people who come to these and tell you how much they are going to visit… They probably will not. I can count on one hand who has been to visit regularly out of 20+ people who were at the baby shower!

I actually started to pick up that people were not really going to stick to their word and hang around once Harlee was born. However, I just sat back and waited it all out to see what the outcome would be.

You will eventually give birth to your perfect little bundle and then the messages will flow in of asking when they can come visit. Everyone wants to be your friend again! I have a big family and so does Ben so we decided to limit our visitors to close family and friends for the first few days. This did not go down well with some of my friends. Although they never told me to my face that they were not happy, it obviously got back to me. I had just had a baby, I was learning what I was doing as a first time mum and as soon as I found this out I knew they weren’t my real friends and I tried not to let it get to me because I clearly had bigger things on my plate.

I knew that life would be harder with a baby; I just did not quite understand how hard it would be. It is not all fun and games of having all the energy in the world and feeling like visitors all the time. A lot of the time, I just did not feel like any visitors. I just mostly wanted to sleep the day away whenever my baby would sleep. True friends – they get it, little things like these are what makes you appreciate them and have that lifetime bond grow. Fake friends – they will take it personally and think it is because you don’t want to see them. However, all of you with new babies will know it is really just because you are so bloody knackered!

So far, this post has been a bit of a Debbie downer, Hah. So let us finish up with the carryon of fake friends. I do not even know if fake friends is the right term to use. Its more so friends you lose touch with and friends that cannot adjust to your new life as a mum. Try not to let this upset you too much. People go their separate ways in life – it just happens. You may not fully disconnect with them as I still do see friends I would not say I am that close to anymore. Once every now and then something comes up that everyone attends and you do see each other. Do not hold grudges with them; just let it be a nice friendship you do not have to fully invest in as you do with your best friends. You have to remember, especially if they do not have kids, it will be really hard for some people to understand your new lifestyle. Do not stress about it and remember what your new priority in life is!

Making friends with babies – This I find extremely hard. I still would not really say I have many friends with kids since having Harlee. I mean, I am most definitely not shy but making mum friends is just awkward. How do you initiate it? Like ‘Hey, I see you have a little human. I have a little human too – let’s sit and watch them destroy our houses and complain about it at the same time’. I know many people who have had kids, it is just the how to start the friendship I struggle with. So, I’m not really going to offer any tips on this because I actually suck at this, hah! I know I could attend coffee groups and things similar but I am one of those people who prefer to know at least one person at these things so if it were to go pear shaped I would have someone! Stupid I know, but that is just me. I am sure Iots of people feel this way so do not let it stop you! I am sure that all the mums at these kind of things are actually really nice and welcoming.

I literally have three friends who I class as my real friends who are always there for me no matter what. We do not see each other often but when we do, it is just like the good old times. Social media is a massive help to these friendships that I cherish. We may not see each other every week but we keep in pretty good contact on a daily basis thanks to snapchat and Facebook chats. The thing I love about these friends is that if I needed them, they would be here in a heartbeat. They are the ones you need to look out for and keep close! The make or break with these friends all comes down to how understanding they are. Your friends will understand why you can’t go somewhere at a certain time because your baby is sleeping, they will be happy to work a day out around you and a routine and they will just understand why sometimes you have no energy to cart a baby out.

Are you still finding it hard to juggle your important friendships with your new lifestyle? Here are some of my tips-

  • Have a regular catch up

So, we haven’t been doing this for too long but we have started having a regular catch up dinner once a month. Once a month is good and realistic because we all have lives and we all get busy. It is an awesome way to have a catch up and just chill out with your girls.

  • Always try attend special occasions

If it is a special occasion, go! Birthdays for example happen once a year so it is important to make an effort for these. Even if they do not do anything for their birthday, call in for a visit!

  • Make a Facebook chat

This is an awesome idea, if you see something somewhere and you just need to talk about it, just pop it in the good old facebook chat and then before you know it you will probably be messaging all night, hah.

  • SNAPCHAT!

Snapchat is awesome, you get to see what your mates are up too and you can show them what you are up too everyday through pictures! It is like seeing their face every day but you are not, hah!

  • Call in for a random visit

I am actually bad at this, I need to improve on it but call in for a visit! Even if it is for half an hour. Use your spare time on things that will make you feel good!

There is a few little things you can do to keep in touch with your fav gal pals. There is much more but that is just what I find helpful!

Here is a little tribute to my three very close friends. Rylee and Cheri, my friends with no kids but yet so understanding of my lifestyle and Kelly, my friend with a kid but still always there for me :P. If It wasn’t for you three I would go insane. I am lucky to have people super understanding and always willing to be there. Thanks for caring about my kid. She is so lucky that she has been blessed with three more awesome ladies to call aunty. Thanks for wanting to see my baby more than me, Hah. I am glad that she is not a burden to our friendships and you guys are all so welcoming of her. Thanks for sticking around, even when we do not catch up for a month, sometime even two – life never changes we are still the same. I am glad on days that suck; I know you are all just a message away. I imagine you all in my life forever and I am so happy to call you guys my best friends!

 

There is my little bit about friendships after babies. You will lose some, you make some and some will grow stronger. It is funny how so many things change in your life once you have kids that you would never expect. Hope you enjoyed the little read and I will catch you all next week!

Lace xxx

SH*T PEOPLE SAY WHEN YOU ARE PREGNANT…

If there were one thing I have learnt from being pregnant and a new mum, it would be that people love to tell you a whole lot of shit. This shit generally consists of unwanted parenting advice, subtle blows at what you are so called ‘doing’ wrong and what you have to expect through pregnancy and mum life. Some people love it and some people dislike it. I do not hate hearing other people’s experiences or advice because yes, sometimes what people say is totally helpful and nice to hear. However, do not expect me to take on board what you are saying and I dislike it when someone preaches their advice on me.

Let us start at the beginning. All those awesome phrases people love to tell you while you are pregnant. I can guarantee you have been told at least two of the things on the list-

  • WOW! You are huge!

Such a common one people love to spring on you! Well no shit Sherlock, I am pregnant and growing a baby over here, no need to be reminded!

  • Are you sure you are even pregnant? It doesn’t look like it yet.

I got this a lot at the start of both pregnancies, I don’t actually find this offensive, I more see it as just a really dumb question. Obviously I am pregnant, I’m not going around telling everyone that for shits and giggles.

  • You are not having twins are you?

You know what is funny about this one, I had someone tell me how little I was one day and then the next asked if I was having twins – Hah! But really, do I have to explain this one?

  • Your way bigger than the last time I saw you.

Really? I thought I would be smaller since the last time we caught up.

  • You are much bigger then you were last pregnancy.

Maybe because I got pregnant three months after having Harlee so my body had no chance to go back to itself. And just imagine if we replied with something like this -Oh and you are much bigger than when you were last year, what’s your excuse?

  • Live up your free time now.

What? Are you telling me I actually will have to give all my time to my baby and not put them in a corner by themselves? Dam how did I not know this…

  • You have no idea what you are in for.

Funny how people tend to say this no matter what pregnancy you are up to. First time around it was the first time mum card, second time round it’s the, two is way harder than one card. Seriously we can never win!

  • You must be due any day now.

Reality is you are only 32 weeks but thanks for reminding me how far away my due date is…

  • Must definitely be a girl/boy the way you are carrying.

Oh awesome, I didn’t know there was so many baby gender gurus out there!

  • Oh you are having a girl, well remember the sonographer could have it wrong!

Yes this is true, but when did you get your special gift of knowing better than a sonographer?

  • You are far too young to be having a baby!

Oh thanks Nancy, even though I’m still with the father, we own our own home, we have our own car, we a financially stable, mentally stable and the only difference between me and that pregnant lady is I’m 22 and she’s 30. Never mind the fact that we are actually probably in a better position than some 35 year olds having babies… but hey that’s okay – keep reminding me I’m too young to be a mum!

That is just a list of the things that came off the top of my head. Do not get me wrong some of these are not really offensive, they are just dumb questions people feel the need to ask every time they see you. There is a couple on this list that get to me but, a lot of them just make me think ‘seriously’ and I have a little giggle to myself. We all know how quickly those good old pregnancy hormones like to change and throw us off though so maybe add these to the ‘things not to say to pregnant women’.

So, pregnancy is over and you have a new bundle of joy! You would think since pregnancy has left, the dumb comments would have too. I hate to break it to you but they do not! I am 10 months into mum life and 7 months into my second pregnancy and still cop the dumb comments/questions/advice for both!

So what is some of those dumb comments you get once you have your baby? Here is my list-

  • You look extremely tired.

Really? I guess I should be looking like I am full of energy after having 3 hours sleep every night for the last week!

  • You are not breastfeeding.

No, I am not and I do not need a lecture on why I should be nor do I have to explain to you why I am not!

  • Did you have a natural birth?

Actually yes I did but if I needed pain relief or a c-section I would have done that too because my only concern was getting my baby here safely!

  • She should be sleeping through the night.

Every baby is different and we all have different ways of doing things so this does not concern you!

  • She does not look anything like you!

So what are you implying? Was I meant to have a clone of myself? Or, are you questioning if she’s mine? Pretty sure I just pushed her out of my vag so she is definitely mine!  

  • When are you going back to work?

When I’m ready, that’s when. My job now is being a mum!

  • You should do this, this way…

Oh yes, you know my baby far better than me. I’ll change what she’s use to just for you!

  • I had no problems losing my baby weight.

Cool story bro. Are you calling me fat?

  • How do you handle being stuck at home?

Maybe if you had a baby who did not believe in sleep, you would understand being home is amazing.

  • You are so lucky you just get to stay home with a baby all day instead of working.

Oh, yes it is such a holiday being home with a baby and maintaining other mum duties! I have so much free time on my hands… NOT!

  • Enjoy it now because they will be grown up before you know it.

Thanks for being the tenth person this week to remind me that.

  • Don’t you think they need a bottle before you leave?

You are probably right. We have not been on a strict feeding routine for the last 5 months or anything…

  • Back in my day, we would have never done that…

Wow, crazy how times change isn’t it!

  • Doesn’t your mum always have your baby?

No actually, my mum may be around a lot but shes there strictly as a Nanny! Mum duties are my job. Thanks for the interest in who is around and who isn’t though!

These might seem like nothing to some but I am sure most mums agree they get these a lot. It is more the fact of hearing them all a thousand times over. Yes, I am a new mum but I am not dumb. I do have common sense and I will figure mum life out on my own.

It is not just these types of comments that I find annoying. It is also the ones when other people feel the need to burst your bubble of happiness about something. Like one of the following- (Me them)

  • YAY – First night sleeping through the night!

Do not get to excited, it will all change again soon.

  • She is crawling!

You will never be able to leave her alone, she will be into everything and it will only get worse once she is walking.

  • She said her first word!

It may be cute now, wait until she will not shut up though.

  • She had solids for the first time.

Wait until she refuses everything you feed her.

All of these comments leave me thinking – okay shut up and let me enjoy my happy moment and her milestones! Do people not have anything nice to say anymore? On the other hand, have we forgotten the number one rule of if you do not have anything nice to say, then do not say it at all. Everyone is entitled to opinions but you don’t have to be rude. Spread some love and kindness guys! It is not hard!

So the real point behind this post was to make all you mummas out there not feel alone when thinking, did she just really say that to me? Like I said earlier, sometimes those hormones over rule everything else and you cannot help but take what someone has said to heart. Try to laugh it off and remember people are just uneducated. There is always going to be someone who cannot help themselves and has to make that one dumb comment. There will always be dumb shit people say when you are pregnant, so the best thing to do is take it on the chin and be a little bit of a smart ass back. I can guarantee they will get a bit of a fright and be lost for words if you come back with something funny. Chances are it will give yourself a little giggle too and we all love to have a giggle!

So if you are or have been a fellow pregnant mumma, I hope this has been something you can relate to and if you are not pregnant or know someone who is maybe this has been a little bit funny and maybe a bit of insight of what not to say. I would love to have a laugh with you about dumb shit people have said to you while pregnant – go on and flick me a facebook message or Instagram DM! Catch you all next week team!

Lace xxx

MATERNITY LIFE TO HOME LIFE

You have done it! You have made it through the long nine months of pregnancy. You have got through labour, which you can read about here. You have got through the first 24 hours of mum life which you can also read about here and now it might be finally sinking in that your life has officially changed forever!

14th Sep 2016 (2)

Some people love staying in maternity wards – others hate it. I wasn’t really either, I didn’t mind the first couple of days but I was definitely ready to go home by the end. I still class myself as lucky because I am not sure all maternity’s are like what we had. Our town is small so sometimes you are the only one in the ward, which means the midwives are more than helpful! They do not make you feel like you are a pain and always happy to come and assist you.

I was in the maternity ward for four nights, five days. This came down to the fact that breastfeeding was not happening for me and it was better I stayed until I had got feeding locked down because they did not want me to go home and struggle. However, we did turn to bottle feeding by the end but I will talk more about my experience in the future on the blog!

For me the second night was more of a realisation of what I was in for because my midwife took her for the first night to let me get some rest. This was the first night of the four hourly wake ups but I think I handled it okay. I learnt what the drill was going to be and made a plan of what I would do, so when we got home we had a better idea. I was super lucky that my midwife was on the night shift while I was in the ward! She would happily come and help me, stay, and just have a chat while Harlee would wake up. I think it definitely made me feel not so alone in there. I personally think that your partner has just as much right as you to stay with you. You are both new parents and it is a daunting feeling winging the whole mum gig by yourself for the first time. I think it would just be nice to have them there for support and reassurance but unfortunately, they are not allowed to stay.

If you do not personally like staying in the maternity ward I highly recommend allowing as many people as you like to visit! Visitors make you feel less lonely and make the days fly by a lot faster. Although, I was pretty cautious and overwhelmed as a new mum so I actually limited my visitors. Not to annoy anyone but because I was learning about the new person I had become as a mum and also learning about my new little baby. I had only family and my best friends visit – I was just more comfortable with this but everyone is different! Even though I limited who came to visit until we got home, I still felt like I always had people around.

Food, food, food. Pack yourself some snacks! I think a lot of us forget about ourselves and what to pack, I highly recommend that food is on your list. For one I hated the hospital food and I am sure that most people do. I don’t think I ate one dinner… Never fear though, it was not wasted because Ben will eat anything and always polished it off for me! I lived on takeaways and some home cooked meals on wheels from good old Mumsy! Snacks were

super helpful though, I’m not sure if I was just bored or actually hungry – hah, but it was good to have some back up snacks there!

Third day blues – it may hit you or it may not. I am not even sure it is a real thing, Hah! However, I have talked to a few people including my mum who have experienced this! Your hormones have taken a real hit over the whole being pregnant gig so I think it’s completely normal to have these days. On the third day, I got the so called blues. I think a lot of it came down to the fact that I couldn’t produce enough of my milk which was distressing my little baby and I was starting to feel like I was never going to be able to go home! This particular morning felt like forever before the visitors started to roll in and Harlee would not settle – most probably because she was still hungry! Finally Ben arrived and we decided to top her up with some formula and boom! Sleeping baby! Crazy how fed seems best right? I didn’t spend the day alone which meant I didn’t feel too bad. However, night time rolled around and the thought of Ben leaving was making me feel upset and uneasy so I pushed it out as long as possible. Obviously the time had to come eventually where he would have to go home. I remember getting pretty upset but not even having a real reason apart from me wanting to go with him. He left, I had a little cry but I got over it and fell asleep! Don’t feel like you have to hide your feelings once bubs is here. Have your go to person and talk to them. It will make you feel a lot better knowing you have someone to turn too.

Finally the day had come! We were allowed to go home and start our lives as a family and our fur-st(first) born fur baby was about to meet our baby girl! For me it was a mixture of emotions when leaving the maternity ward. I was so happy to be going home but being in the maternity ward with well-trained midwives gives you some sense of security that you don’t have at home.

As soon as Ben arrived, I was super ready to go! We started packing all the gifts and things we had accumulated over the last few days, so many gifts! I sorted myself out and got some make up on to take the token going home photo! My mum also came to help us with anything we had to take and to help us settle in at home. Around lunchtime, we were off. We were starting our new chapter and I was super excited but super nervous at the same time.

My mum had sorted us some lunch so we came home and sat down to eat but I had this weird feeling of what do I do with my baby when I want to do something – like eat? I guess it is just little things you over think because you have only ever had to worry about yourself and now there is a little human who solely relies on you taking care of them. It was definitely different coming home with her but she fit in just perfectly! All that long awaited baby stuff I had ready months was finally in use and it was a matter of just figure out where, what and when we would use it all. My advice for going home would be to not overthink it too much. It is not as bad as you can work yourself up to think it is and you will get through – even if it is hard. Do not hesitate to accept help. If someone’s offering, let them help! I know this is a lot easier said than done as I am not big on accepting help but have people you can trust and allow them in! I was very lucky to have my mum that I would always feel safe to leave Harlee with. It’s definitely easier having that trusted person!

The first night at home may sound scary but it is really not! You have done this for a few nights now and you know what you are doing. Pretty quickly we had a little middle of the night routine sorted. Once I would hear Harlee waking I would get up and flick the jug on, go back and grab her and do a quick bum change, go and quickly make the bottle then sit down and give her a bottle and bring up her wind. As soon as we done this it was straight back to bed and with minimal lighting as possible to try keep her nice and sleepy. Eventually I got faster and better and we could smash out night feeds pretty quickly!

Before you know it, you will learn the ropes of how you and your baby work. There will always be hard nights and hard days but there is always light at the end of the tunnel! I know all of these first days can be a rather daunting thought and it all seems really scary but you’ll be surprised how your body can adjust and will pull through. I hope this has been some helpful information and that it may ease some of those burning questions you have! Again, don’t hesitate to message me either by email, facebook or Instagram! I am always happy to listen and hopefully help with whatever you are wondering! Catch you all next week!!!

Lace xxx