Keeping friends once, you have had a baby, sounds simple right? It really is not. When they all find out you are pregnant, everyone is your best friend. Everyone is so eager to know the details and remind you how much they will be around once baby is born. It is very easy to say things and never go through with them. I know for some people, they may be lucky enough to actually have their friends stick to their word and actually hang around but I know a lot of the time this does not happen. I remember many people telling me, ‘you will find out who your real friends are when you have a baby’. Unfortunately, it is a very real thing.
For me, I was the first to get pregnant out of my friend group. As soon as I announced my pregnancy, they were all super happy for me and were fast to tell me how they would all make the best aunties. All of a sudden, they all wanted to be my best friend and know everything. As most people, I have a few friends who I class as my best friends and a couple of them offered to throw my baby shower – which was awesome and the baby shower was a hit! I had a massive turnout of people who all had to be there and I was very spoilt! However, do not be fooled by all these people who come to these and tell you how much they are going to visit… They probably will not. I can count on one hand who has been to visit regularly out of 20+ people who were at the baby shower!
I actually started to pick up that people were not really going to stick to their word and hang around once Harlee was born. However, I just sat back and waited it all out to see what the outcome would be.
You will eventually give birth to your perfect little bundle and then the messages will flow in of asking when they can come visit. Everyone wants to be your friend again! I have a big family and so does Ben so we decided to limit our visitors to close family and friends for the first few days. This did not go down well with some of my friends. Although they never told me to my face that they were not happy, it obviously got back to me. I had just had a baby, I was learning what I was doing as a first time mum and as soon as I found this out I knew they weren’t my real friends and I tried not to let it get to me because I clearly had bigger things on my plate.
I knew that life would be harder with a baby; I just did not quite understand how hard it would be. It is not all fun and games of having all the energy in the world and feeling like visitors all the time. A lot of the time, I just did not feel like any visitors. I just mostly wanted to sleep the day away whenever my baby would sleep. True friends – they get it, little things like these are what makes you appreciate them and have that lifetime bond grow. Fake friends – they will take it personally and think it is because you don’t want to see them. However, all of you with new babies will know it is really just because you are so bloody knackered!
So far, this post has been a bit of a Debbie downer, Hah. So let us finish up with the carryon of fake friends. I do not even know if fake friends is the right term to use. Its more so friends you lose touch with and friends that cannot adjust to your new life as a mum. Try not to let this upset you too much. People go their separate ways in life – it just happens. You may not fully disconnect with them as I still do see friends I would not say I am that close to anymore. Once every now and then something comes up that everyone attends and you do see each other. Do not hold grudges with them; just let it be a nice friendship you do not have to fully invest in as you do with your best friends. You have to remember, especially if they do not have kids, it will be really hard for some people to understand your new lifestyle. Do not stress about it and remember what your new priority in life is!
Making friends with babies – This I find extremely hard. I still would not really say I have many friends with kids since having Harlee. I mean, I am most definitely not shy but making mum friends is just awkward. How do you initiate it? Like ‘Hey, I see you have a little human. I have a little human too – let’s sit and watch them destroy our houses and complain about it at the same time’. I know many people who have had kids, it is just the how to start the friendship I struggle with. So, I’m not really going to offer any tips on this because I actually suck at this, hah! I know I could attend coffee groups and things similar but I am one of those people who prefer to know at least one person at these things so if it were to go pear shaped I would have someone! Stupid I know, but that is just me. I am sure Iots of people feel this way so do not let it stop you! I am sure that all the mums at these kind of things are actually really nice and welcoming.
I literally have three friends who I class as my real friends who are always there for me no matter what. We do not see each other often but when we do, it is just like the good old times. Social media is a massive help to these friendships that I cherish. We may not see each other every week but we keep in pretty good contact on a daily basis thanks to snapchat and Facebook chats. The thing I love about these friends is that if I needed them, they would be here in a heartbeat. They are the ones you need to look out for and keep close! The make or break with these friends all comes down to how understanding they are. Your friends will understand why you can’t go somewhere at a certain time because your baby is sleeping, they will be happy to work a day out around you and a routine and they will just understand why sometimes you have no energy to cart a baby out.
Are you still finding it hard to juggle your important friendships with your new lifestyle? Here are some of my tips-
- Have a regular catch up
So, we haven’t been doing this for too long but we have started having a regular catch up dinner once a month. Once a month is good and realistic because we all have lives and we all get busy. It is an awesome way to have a catch up and just chill out with your girls.
- Always try attend special occasions
If it is a special occasion, go! Birthdays for example happen once a year so it is important to make an effort for these. Even if they do not do anything for their birthday, call in for a visit!
- Make a Facebook chat
This is an awesome idea, if you see something somewhere and you just need to talk about it, just pop it in the good old facebook chat and then before you know it you will probably be messaging all night, hah.
Snapchat is awesome, you get to see what your mates are up too and you can show them what you are up too everyday through pictures! It is like seeing their face every day but you are not, hah!
- Call in for a random visit
I am actually bad at this, I need to improve on it but call in for a visit! Even if it is for half an hour. Use your spare time on things that will make you feel good!
There is a few little things you can do to keep in touch with your fav gal pals. There is much more but that is just what I find helpful!
Here is a little tribute to my three very close friends. Rylee and Cheri, my friends with no kids but yet so understanding of my lifestyle and Kelly, my friend with a kid but still always there for me :P. If It wasn’t for you three I would go insane. I am lucky to have people super understanding and always willing to be there. Thanks for caring about my kid. She is so lucky that she has been blessed with three more awesome ladies to call aunty. Thanks for wanting to see my baby more than me, Hah. I am glad that she is not a burden to our friendships and you guys are all so welcoming of her. Thanks for sticking around, even when we do not catch up for a month, sometime even two – life never changes we are still the same. I am glad on days that suck; I know you are all just a message away. I imagine you all in my life forever and I am so happy to call you guys my best friends!
There is my little bit about friendships after babies. You will lose some, you make some and some will grow stronger. It is funny how so many things change in your life once you have kids that you would never expect. Hope you enjoyed the little read and I will catch you all next week!