The amount of times this week I have had to quietly remind myself it’s just a bad day, not a bad life is unbelievable. It’s probably been more of a bad week but I always know that I make it through to the other side. I’ve decided to talk about my bad day/week to reassure all you mumma’s that you are not alone! We all have these days and sometimes reading about others going through the same or similar things, is all you need for reassurance to feel a bit better about yourself and that you will come out on the other side.
This mum gig can get pretty challenging at times and I am sure I’m not the only one who questions my parenting choices sometimes, right? For the most part, Harlee-Jae has been an awesome baby except the first four months – they were really, really hard. I know plenty of mums struggle with that first four months and hey, look at us we did make it in the end but now we have hit eight months and she has just started teething really bad and it’s taken its toll on myself and her.
This week has consisted of teething – which has come with the added bonuses of a clingy baby who does not believe in sleeping. It has been hard work after having a solid 11 hour sleeper for the last three to four months. My body has gone into shock and is not use to being woken five or more times a night. I know what you are all thinking ‘suck it up because you will have a baby again soon’. Well yes I am well aware of this. I don’t know about you guys but it’s just different when you have a new born and get up every four hours, your body just adjusts and you do it. However, this week has been tough and I am feeling extremely unmotivated! Everything has felt so hard, from cleaning to even just getting up in the morning and hey cold mother f’ing weather, you haven’t helped either!
Harlee has cut her two bottom teeth so, yay! We are nearly at the end of teething… for now – Hah! However the hard yards aren’t over. Teething has put my perfect little routine baby out of whack and I’m sitting here questioning where I have gone wrong. Let’s be honest it’s a pretty shit feeling as a mum when you feel like you’ve failed. I was doing so well, I sleep trained her, taught her how to self-settle, got her into a strict daily routine and that worked so well for us. And I did it all on my own, but this left me feeling like the only person I have to blame for my not sleeping, clingy, grizzly and not eating baby, was myself.
On top of all these emotions, I’m creeping slowly toward the third trimester. I’m not going to lie, I am terrified. I feel so bloody unorganised for this baby and this week has not only reminded me, but it has also made me extremely unmotivated. I won’t say too much about this as it is better for another blog but with Harlee – I hated being pregnant and all the reasons I hated being pregnant are creeping back with this pregnancy. Let me just say pregnancy just isn’t for me but it is all worth it! Ben has also been on nightshift and although this sounds like a stupid reason, it takes it’s toll! Mostly because I cannot sleep when he is not at home. It takes a massive toll on his body clock also, leaving me to pick up my game with the thing’s he usually helps me with. Don’t get me wrong, I am not at all complaining because I really do appreciate him working hard so I can be a stay at home mum. However, it does still take it’s toll on me too.
I know a lot of this stuff is just minor and I’m more than aware that there are a lot of people out there who are much worse off than me but it’s amazing how you don’t feel yourself when you’re sleep deprived!
So once you have fallen into this trap, how do you get out you ask? Well the problem is everyone is different and we all have different coping strategies but I am sure a few of my ways may help you, well I hope they do!
I find being a stay at home mum can make the same four walls you stare at everyday almost like a prison – maybe a bit dramatic but you know what I mean hah! For real though, I start going a bit crazy when I feel like I have barely seen Ben (due to nightshift etc) and most of my conversations are one way with Harlee or the dog! So I find even going to visit my mum, which I do like every second day because who doesn’t love seeing there mum hah! However, in all seriousness it’s nice to get out, have some normal adult conversation and not feel so house bound. It may only be for an hour but it helps my sanity. I don’t necessarily have the time to go see friends this often or our schedules clash because they all have lives too, so mum’s house is always a reliable and good option for us! I can go there and just chill, I could go there in my pj’s if I really wanted too! When you are feeling a bit down or just not yourself find your go to person/people and just go have some normal adult time. It may be just what you need.
Cry it out! Feeling a bit emotional? Those god dam hormones continuing to haunt you with their mood changes? Feeling like you could cry at something stupid? Well don’t hold back! Sometimes a little cry is all you need, sometimes it’s not. I’ve always been a crier and I’m not afraid to admit hah. I’m very head strong and will argue my point but I will 95% of the time, guarantee cry! And you know what, most of the time if I’m having a bad day and something little pushes me to cry, it makes me feel better! Crying is normal and it doesn’t make you a bad or unstable person to cry every now and then because sometimes you just need to let it out.
Have a chilled day. Like I said earlier, it is nice to get out of the house but some days it’s nice to just stay home and have you time. Obviously mum duties still call but it’s nice to give myself the ‘day off’. Have a shower, get back in my pj’s. Ditch the house cleaning for a day, no one’s gonna die because I didn’t vacuum or dust the house! Turn on some Netflix and chill! We never put ourselves first as mums, so take a little moment and don’t feel guilty for doing you!
Don’t bottle your feelings up! Talk to someone about it. Have your go to person, the person that is happy to not judge you, just be some friendly ears. I’m lucky to have Ben, I can ramble off whatever and you know what half the time it doesn’t matter if he isn’t even listening, it is just good to vent. Bottling it up is most likely only going to make you feel worse and if anything make you reach boiling point. No mum needs to put that sort of stress on herself!
On a more serious note, if you are like me and know that you are just having a bit of a moment and know you always come through on the better side – that’s awesome! However, there is that one thing no one really likes to discuss, Post Natal Depression. I have been lucky enough to not suffer from this but I really feel for all the mumma’s that do. I cant speak from experience, I can only tell you what I know from what I’ve read and seen. I feel like it is important to make a few possible symptoms known so that if you are not like me and fortunate enough to come out on the better side you can get the help you need. Remember this can happen to anyone.
- Mood – Anger, anxiety, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest or pleasure in activities or panic attacks
- Whole body – fatigue, loss of appetite or relentlessness
- Psychological – Depression, fear or repeatedly going over thoughts
- Behavioural – Crying or irritability
- Cognitive – Lack of concentration
- Weight gain or loss
If PND is left untreated, it can go on for months or even longer. Treatment can include counselling, antidepressants or hormone therapy. Like I say I haven’t been in this position so I’m strictly going off what I have read and seen, I’m no doctor. If you do think this could be you, please don’t fight it. Go see your doctor and tell them how your feeling and then they can point you in the right direction because you, who may be feeling this way, you are important and you are worth it. Take the next step in the right direction because there is no shame in admitting you need some help, it just proves you are stronger than this and can get through it!
So mums please remember you are a good mum!! If you find yourself questioning your decisions, do not be afraid to take a step back and remind yourself that it is okay to have a bad day. It does not make you any less of a mum or a person, life can be overwhelming at the best of times so when you chuck a little human or two into the mix, it can become extremely hard. You do what is the best for your little families and yourself! You are awesome, you are strong and most of all YOU ARE A GOOD F’ING MUM!
I hope this blog post has been relatable and helpful for at least one of you reading this because this is why I started writing – to help other mums, I would love to help thousands but I would feel accomplished if I make the difference for just one of you. Come back next week to see what is happening on the blog and don’t forget you can keep up with our daily lives on Facebook and Instagram!